Blog - ALL CAPS

So this genius article popped up on my twitter feed. Normally I would just bypass something so obviously shallow, misinformed and poorly written but today I thought I'd have some fun. Even though the author is using half-truths and hyperbole to create a veneer where it sounds like she's presenting reasonable arguments, here's what she's really saying:

1. Spending a few years as a ‘house spouse’ actually sounds awesome
Who the hell knows what they want to do in their 20’s. Having five to ten years to figure it out, while filling our Instagram with pictures of puppies and kiddos, sounds like a blessing. Neither stay-at-home-moms nor dads deserve ridicule or bizarre sympathy for taking care of their families.

FEMINISTS DON'T WANT ANYONE TO TAKE CARE OF THEIR FAMILIES! FEMINISTS DON'T WANT WOMEN TO HAVE ADEQUATE MATERNITY LEAVE OR MEN PATERNITY LEAVE. FEMINISTS MAKE FUN OF MEN FOR STAYING HOME WITH THEIR KIDS. FEMINISTS INSIST THAT WOMEN SHOULD NEVER STAY HOME WITH THEIR CHILDREN. IN FACT, FEMINISTS DON'T CARE ABOUT CHILDREN AT ALL. FEMINISTS WANT ALL PEOPLE TO WORK ALL THE TIME.

2. Sometimes us lady millennials like to shave our legs, dress up, and drop it low like no one’s watching
We’re not exploiting ourselves–we’re having fun, dammit, and we shouldn’t have to feel guilty about it.

FEMINISM INSISTS THAT YOU NEVER SHAVE YOUR LEGS, DRESS UP OR DANCE. THERE IS NO CONTEXT WHATSOEVER IN WHICH ANY OF THESE BEHAVIOURS COULD EVER BE EXPLOITATIVE. CRITICIZING A CULTURAL NORM WHERE WOMEN ARE EXPECTED TO DO ALL THESE THINGS TO BE CONSIDERED VALUABLE AND ATTRACTIVE IS THE SAME THING AS PERSONALLY CRITICIZING ME FOR DOING THEM. EVEN THOUGH SOCIETY AUTOMATICALLY REWARDS ME FOR DOING THESE THINGS IT IS NOT IMPORTANT TO CONSIDER HOW WOMEN WHO DON'T LIKE TO DO THESE THINGS MIGHT FEEL MARGINALIZED.

3. Chivalry is NOT dead
It’s nice when someone pursues you, takes you out on dates, and surprises you with little things here and there. The difference between Millennial women and our mothers is that we understand ‘chivalry,’ in this day in age, is a two way street; everyone, regardless of sex or gender, likes and deserves to be treated like they’re special."

IF YOU ARE A FEMINIST YOU MAY NEVER TREAT PEOPLE LIKE THEY'RE SPECIAL. FEMINISTS HATE DATING AND SURPRISES. OUR MOTHERS ARE THE ONES RESPONSIBLE FOR THE MISOGYNY AND SEXISM THAT USED TO PASS FOR CHIVALRY.

4. Cooking and cleaning are not only great ways to destress but they’re vital to healthy, happy living
No one should feel guilty about ‘taking time away from their career’ to keep a tidy home and nourish their body.

FEMINISM MEANS HAVING A DIRTY HOME AND NEGLECTING YOUR BODY. FEMINISTS MUST WORK ALL THE TIME BECAUSE BEING A WORKAHOLIC IS THE ONLY THING FEMINISM CARES ABOUT.

5. We’ve seen and felt the effects of being ‘raised’ by two absentee parents
We were raised in daycares and drive-thrus and can vouch that most of us didn’t turn out so well. Furthermore, with childhood obesity and depression rates ever-increasing there’s clearly something to having a supportive and nurturing parent at home.

THE ONLY WAY TO RAISE A CHILD PROPERLY IS TO HAVE ONE PARENT STAY HOME WITH THEM. TOO BAD IF YOU ARE TOO POOR FOR THIS TO BE AN OPTION. ALL WORKING PARENTS RAISE BAD CHILDREN. ALL STAY AT HOME PARENTS RAISE GOOD CHILDREN. DEPRESSION AND OBESITY IS DIRECTLY CORRELATED WITH HAVING A STAY AT HOME PARENT. FEMINISM SAYS THAT NO PARENT SHOULD EVER STAY HOME WITH THEIR CHILDREN AND THAT CHILDREN SHOULD ONLY BE FED FAST FOOD. WOMEN ESPECIALLY MUST WORK. IT IS INCONCEIVABLE TO A FEMINIST THAT WOMEN COULD EVER BE EXPECTED TO DO ANYTHING BUT PURSUE A CAREER.

6. Even though it’s an inaccurate portrayal, the word ‘feminism’ makes most men think of hairy armpits and angry, man-hating lesbians
Furthermore, a lot of what feminism seems to be doing now is the very thing it sought to destroy in hopes of peace and equality. The word has become threatening and creates a mentality of isolation and competition rather than the sense of collaboration this broken world so desperately needs.

LESBIANS, WOMEN WHO DON'T REMOVE THEIR BODY HAIR AND WOMEN WHO GET ANGRY ARE DISGUSTING SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE THEY ARE UNATTRACTIVE TO MEN. I COULD NEVER BE ASSOCIATED WITH SOMETHING THAT MEN DO NOT FIND ATTRACTIVE. I WILL NOT EXAMINE THE REASONS WHY THAT IS. BECAUSE THEY ARE UNATTRACTIVE TO MEN THEY ARE THREATENING. THIS IS TOO BAD BECAUSE MEN ARE JUST WAITING FOR WOMEN TO BE HOTTER AND MORE DOCILE SO THEY CAN GIVE US EQUALITY. BECAUSE IF HISTORY HAS SHOWN US ANYTHING IT'S THAT PEOPLE WITH POWER AND PRIVILEGE ALWAYS RELINQUISH IT WHEN THOSE WHO ARE MARGINALIZED ASK NICELY.

AND EVEN THOUGH FEMINISM ADVOCATES FOR RAPE VICTIMS, PEOPLE AFFECTED BY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, EQUAL AND FAIR REPRESENTATION IN POLITICS AND THE MEDIA, EQUAL PAY FOR EQUAL WORK, THE RIGHT OF WOMEN ALL OVER THE WORLD TO DRIVE, GET DIVORCED, VOTE, NOT BE MURDERED OR MUTILATED IN THE NAME OF "HONOUR" OR SOLD INTO SEXUAL SLAVERY ETC., WHAT I REALLY CARE ABOUT IT THAT EVERYONE KNOWS I SHAVE MY LEGS BECAUSE THAT'S HOW PRIVILEGED I AM.

IN MY PRIVILEGED VIEW WITHOUT FEMINISM THE ENTIRE WORLD IS UN-THREATENING AND FULL OF COMMUNITY AND COLLABORATION. BARRIERS DO NOT EXIST IN SOCIETY. FEMINISM CREATES THEM. I WILL NOT GIVE YOU A SINGLE EXAMPLE OF HOW THAT IS THE CASE. WITHOUT FEMINISM, THINGS WOULD JUST SORT THEMSELVES OUT. FEMINISM IS NOT SUCCESSFUL IN ACHIEVING PEACE AND EQUALITY.

7. Most importantly, declaring oneself a feminist can feel victimizing and disempowering
Each of us is in charge of taking control of our life and working for what we really want. Some of us, both men and women, don’t want to be CEOs, scientists and politicians; and that should be okay too!

THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO ARE FEMINISTS ARE CEOS, SCIENTISTS AND POLITICIANS. NO FEMINISTS ARE ARTISTS, STAY AT HOME MOMS, HOUSE CLEANERS, TEACHERS OR UNEMPLOYED. FEMINISM DOES NOT WANT YOU TO WORK FOR WHAT YOU WANT. THE REASON WOMEN AREN'T EQUAL IS BECAUSE THEY HAVEN'T WORKED FOR WHAT THEY WANT AS MUCH AS MEN HAVE. IF FEMINISM DIDN'T POINT OUT HOW SOCIETY CAN VICTIMIZE WOMEN FOR BEING WOMEN NO ONE WOULD BE VICTIMIZED. IGNORING HOW I OR OTHERS ARE VICTIMIZED IS THE SAME THING AS NOT BEING VICTIMIZED.

And before you get your panties in a bunch, my dear feminist friends- take a second to think about the truth in these explanations. All the millennial women who “aren’t feminists but…” have a right to validation and acceptance; there is a reason why so many of these bright, talented, and ambitious women are rejecting a word, while simultaneously embodying the concept. For peace and progress, we all need to get out of our heads and be open to seeing the story from every side, not just our own.

EVEN THOUGH I'VE OFFERED NO OBJECTIVE EVIDENCE THAT FEMINISM IS UNPOPULAR WITH THIS GENERATION, I'M GOING TO PRETEND IT'S AN EMPIRICAL FACT. LET ME DISMISS YOU MISOGYNISTICALLY IF YOU DISAGREE. I HAVE A RIGHT TO MISREPRESENT FEMINISM. IT MAKES ME UNCOMFORTABLE THAT FEMINISM CHALLENGES A STATUS QUO THAT I PERSONALLY BENEFIT FROM AND ENJOY.